Building beautiful and long-lasting relationships are all about nurturing connection, learning the art of compromise, and finding healthy ways to communicate. But we are all different and we may all have different preferences and strengths when it comes to how we express ourselves and our love. This is where love languages can come in. The idea of love languages came from a book by Gary Chapman titled: The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to your Mate. Gary Chapman's book was instrumental in recognizing the main ways in which we give and receive love. Most people tend to give love in the same way they crave receiving it but your partner may not speak the same love language as you, which is why it can be so important to learn their primary love language, so you can both use these helpful tools to connect and grow. The five love languages are words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, quality time, and gift-giving.
Today, we are looking at the primary language of words of affirmation. Perhaps your partner is all about verbal affirmations of love and they need a certain degree of verbal communication to feel secure and recognized in their romantic relationships. We look at how you can use words of affirmation to cultivate healthy relationships and make the best of this beautiful bonding tool.
What Are Words of Affirmation?
If words of affirmation are your primary love language it may mean that you require words (verbal or written) of love, support, and empathy in order to feel affirmed by your romantic partner. This could be more important to you than acts of service, physical touch, or spending quality time together. In fact, you may get more comfort out of a sweet sticky note or compliment from your partner than a well-prepped date night. Those who have words of affirmation as their primary love language may like deep and meaningful conversations or heart-to-heart chats, being thanked or validated, being left sweet notes or receiving morning texts, and verbal positive reinforcements on a regular basis. Giving your partner words of affirmation doesn't need to be complicated or over the top - it's not about poetry but more about simple and authentic expressions that communicate your love.
Examples of Words of Affirmation
If you are feeling a little overwhelmed when it comes to mastering the words of affirmation love language, we have some examples that can help you to get started. For those for whom vocally expressing love doesn't come easy, it may be a little challenging and even make you feel vulnerable. It's important to remember that this is important to your partner and one of the best ways in which you can help them to feel validated and cared for. Here are some simple affirmation statements you can start with...
- I love you
- I really appreciate it when you...
- I'm so proud of the way you...
- I am really lucky to have you in my life
- You look/smell/sound amazing
- Thank you for doing X for me
- You bring so much joy to my day
- I love being around you
- I trust you
- I value your opinion
- I believe in you
- You inspire me when you...
- I think it's really cute when you...
- You are a really good friend and partner
- I really appreciate the way you see the world
- You matter to me
- You make me feel...when I'm with you
- I was really impressed when you...
- It meant so much to me the way you...
- Thank you for the effort you put into our relationship
- I think our connection is really special
- I think your communication skills are excellent
- I really value our talks
- I am really motivated by you
- I think you did a great job on...
- I'm so proud to be with you
- Thank you for making time for me
- Thank you for your listening to me
- I think you are amazing
- I really enjoy your company
- I don't know what I would do without you
- I miss you when you aren't around
- Your cooking is amazing
- You look so beautiful
- I recognize how hard you have been working
- You make me feel safe
- I am here if you need me
- I couldn't have done it without your support
- I love how considerate you are
- You are so smart
- You turn me on so much
- I have complete faith and confidence in you
- I am sorry this happened, how can I help?
- We are a great team
- You handled that beautifully
- You are a great listener, thank you for that
- I'm happier when you are here
- You are so kind and loyal
- You really brighten my day
- I'm blessed to have met you
Tips for Using Words of Affirmation
Empathy is an important part of connection for those who have words of affirmation as their major love language. A positive affirmation can be something as simple as letting them know you are there for them when they feel sad or offering positive validation when they are feeling rocked by insecurity.
Honest communication is vital when it comes to words of affirmation and someone's love language. It only works if it comes from the heart as your partner isn't looking for empty words or OTT platitudes. Being genuine shouldn't be too difficult as there are genuine and honest reasons why you are with your partner - so it's all about just putting this into words.
For those who have the love language of words of affirmation, recognition can be key. Everyone likes to feel appreciated and your partner may feel valued and loved when you make the effort to point out the kind things they do for you. Simply thanking them for choosing the perfect birthday card or going the extra mile can instantly fill them with a warm glow.
Point Out Their Strengths
Another top tip for making the most of words of affirmation can be to point out your partner's strengths. We all have strengths and traits that make us special and by vocally acknowledging these in your partner, you can give them the perfect pick-me-up and help to elevate their sense of self-worth.
Post a note
If you don't want to be vocal all the time, another way of communicating with your partner can be in the form of letter writing and leaving notes. Sweet text messages, a sticky note on the fridge, a cute card or something similar can all be a form of adhering to someone's love language and using words to express your feelings.
When it comes to love languages it's important to recognize that someone's preferred love language is exactly how they like to be communicated with and isn't a one-time sitch. Expressing words of affirmation often is part of this process. This can be tricky if your love language is something else and words of affirmation aren't so important to you, but the whole point of understanding love languages is being equipped with the knowledge you need to give your partner what they need. Expressing often may be especially important when your significant other is going through bad times.
Learn what they like to hear most
There is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to relationships, love languages, and forging those beautiful bonds of communication. While some people will want to hear how much you love them, others may prefer quick little low-key comments of gratitude or recognition. Fortunately, many people who are into words of affirmation as their primary love language do love conversation starters around building beautiful relationships and are usually well-versed in using their own words. By talking about their needs and wants when it comes to what they want to hear, you can cut out the guesswork and focus on personalized quality over quantity.
How to ask for words of affirmation
If you are the partner who needs words of affirmation to feel safe and secure in your relationship then it's important to know how to ask for them. We can often feel like asking for validation is 'needy' or 'weak', but really it's a sign of strength that we know what we need and how we like to be communicated with. Asking for words of affirmation can be daunting, but these tips can help you out.
Don't be afraid
While it may make you feel vulnerable asking for words of affirmation try to overcome that fear. Remember, talking about your needs and wants is vital for building a healthy loving relationship and we cannot expect our partners to be mind readers. By spelling out what we want and being honest and authentic, we are actually helping ourselves, our partners, and our relationship.
Be direct when it comes to asking for what you need. Let your partner know that you like it when they say 'X, Y, and Z'. This is especially important if you know your partner's primary love language isn't words of affirmation because they may not have the best handle on vocalizing their feelings. The more direct you can be about what you like and don't like, and the more you respond with gratitude when your partner gets it right, the smoother your communication will be.
Do the same in return
Couples may not share the same love language so when talking about affirmation ideas, you can also find out which love language strikes a chord with your partner. Perhaps they need physical touch or maybe they require acts of service or quality time. You should also make the effort to learn their love language so that you can give them what they need.
Benefits of Words of Affirmation
For those who place importance on language, words of affirmation can bring so many benefits to your relationship. They can help diminish insecure feelings, can help your partner feel seen and heard, and can strengthen your ability, to be honest, and open with each other. Communication is important and words of affirmation help us all to be more authentic and vocal about the ways we are feeling and how someone makes us feel. When we connect with our partner's love language, we strengthen bonds, create deeper and more satisfying connections, and give our favorite people exactly what they need in order to help them thrive.
What are the 5 words of affirmation?
The 5 words of affirmation can be I love you, you are enough, I believe in you, I appreciate you, you are special. These are positive things you can say to someone whose primary love language is words of affirmation.
What is the most powerful word of affirmation?
One of the most powerful words of affirmation is I. If you are with someone whose love language is words of affirmation, you can use the I and you form when communicating - for example, I truly believe in you, I am grateful for you, I am in love with you.
What is the strongest love language?
Quality time tends to be one of the more popular love languages although everyone is different. There are five love languages - quality time, acts of service, gift-giving, physical touch, and words of affirmation. Learning your partner's love language can make for stronger connections and fewer miscommunications.